Raw Responses Tell What’s True In Me
Tom Shaw; Community and Consistency
Listen Now: 1 Hour and/or Read the Transcript of an unedited flow of response to Tom’s Newsletter, telling what’s true in me. I finally have the courage to speak, record, let it flow and hit that green publish button without edits, which is remarkable for me. I’m actually happy with the result, which is quite an experience! Yihaa ☺
Postscript
The Day After… the podcast
Rejection = Compliment
Compliment… a regard (reaction and respect) including some hypocrisy to mean less than it declares an attempt to fill the void (complete) that, what doesn’t want to be felt by the person who rejects ‘me’ It’s a polite notice of disability or unwillingness to relate (slow down, tell, recount and leave) ‘the me’ An expression of fear to leave the ‘clan-culture’ feeling obligated to invest in a state (status) of being to flatter other people especially ‘the one’ who wants to be in control of the cult Therefore, I receive a rejection of ‘me’ as praise for my courage to feel the void and my ability to feel the fear and tension because I long to relate but it’s impossible to bridge a detachment from ‘the Self’ from a personal perspective Thence, I continue in the flow of healing waiting for bodies who love to play with me in my spirited body-world These bodies might also long to relate their spirited body-world It’s ours It’s ours to play with ‘We’ as an extension of ‘me’ Out of Tension Celebrate our undivided duality reality aka Individuality
A Compliment and Credit to etymonline.com helping me to see why I said “a rejection is a compliment” in the podcast ;)
Podcast Transcript
Hello and welcome. It's the 6th of May, Monday. And this is a new episode of 'Raw Responses Tell What's True in Me'.
This is Pascalle speaking in Okeko Learn & Share. This time I'm going to respond to Tom Shaw. He sent his weekly newsletter yesterday and it's titled ‘Community and Consistency’. Yeah, this is another proof of synchronosophy. I'm definitely in the wisdom of everything that's going synchronous in my life and I need to credit Veronica Bond on Substack for this word. I'm still playing with it; I love it…! Because yeah, every time when I want to publish part two of my essay ‘That's It About Me And Okeko’ ‘Psychological Bifurcation In The Clan Culture’, something else, someone else, somebody actually I should say; a body on Substack distracts me.
But is it a distraction?
Am I distracted from the tract?
Not at all.
It's in synchronosophy. It's exactly what I want. I want to respond to other bodies and what they say, what they express, what's important in their lives and I’m gradually working towards inviting people in the Online Okeko Gatherings to Learn & Share Healing and the Rise of Consciousness.
Yeah, that's my project so it has everything to do with community and consistency. But community... for me it has two sides. Because all the communities I've participated in and learned from and shared in, I found the culture in the community. And culture also has two sides... to really let or allow something to grow... there is this need to nurture, like a garden, planting of the seeds and water them when there is no rain, and nurture… love it so the seed will grow to its full potential… that is culture.
The other side is the cult, the clan-culture I'm talking about, where the culture is against individuality, where there is a group mind who is afraid, is stopping the flow of healing, the flow of rise of consciousness and the individual... in my view a body in an undivided duality reality, will be hindered and depending on this individual’s maturity... what I mean by that is, how this individual has learned to feel... all the feelings, including emotions (emotions have a connection to the stories of the past, the culture in the family, and the family system) that the maturity to feel and let IT heal... allow it (spirit) to heal, allow the flow of healing to heal the bio-energy sphere or cosmic egg as I call it… the level of maturity is what will give either insight to that mature body or will lock it in emotions.
What I mean by that is, the group-mind doesn't want to feel emotions and will cast out the individual who has these emotions and because of the casting out… the individual will feel as a misfit. He or she doesn't fit in the group and there is a rejection which is in my case the most important event that still teaches me a lot and what I realized a couple of days ago is I'm moving in the direction of seeing a rejection as a compliment.
Complimenting Me
Telling me: yes, you're not going to subdue spirit. You're not going to be less enthusiastic about what I find, and what I allowed healing in, and my decision to rise consciousness. I'm not going to subdue all that to accommodate a group that wants to stay in a clan-culture that is against emotions, is fearful of emotions and basically don't want to be disturbed.
Life Disturbs
There is a mover and a shaker in me. So there is this tension. And the more I dare, have the courage to be in that tension, the more I learn to be okay with rejection.
Well, this is a big introduction. I didn't know that it would take all this time to explain the two sides of community where community can be a place where I am going to be nurtured, where people support me when I come out with spirit; with what I am enthusiastic about; what has to come out, emotions and feelings and thoughts. It can be a supportive place that says: “yes Pascalle, yes… spit it out! Yeah, we want to receive what you're saying and doing and expressing…. Yes, we want more of this.”
And of course I was in communities where I got this support. And I was in the same communities where they sometimes said: “No, no, Pascalle... no, no, shut up, shut up! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to feel it. I just want you to shut up.”
Rejection
So it's acceptance... reception and rejection. Yeah, that's the line; that's the tension of the both the sides and I always want to find middle-ground... the middle-ground is innocence… not be caught in one sense... flowing… flowing in the flow of healing... in the flow of the rise of consciousness because consciousness is always expanding and I want to be in it.
I also thought this morning: “a contraction can be an expansion”….
When I sign a contract, for instance I'm gonna buy a new house, and I have a contract that I need to sign... this can be an expansion. It's out of the... in Dutch ‘panser’, (the armour)... out of armour that I had before; out of my shell; ‘Ex’ = out, out of the shell is an expansion.
Because in this house my dream comes true. Oh, finally I got a place I want, and all that. But the other side is it can become my prison, where I am placed and have a position, a situation. And it could become... somewhere... where the next level of consciousness is not possible, and I need to move out to another place maybe or not be placed any more... say: “forget about it. I don't want to be placed; I don't want to have a position; there is no state of being, a status because I know that there are stages in consciousness”.
So I Climb And I Climb And I Climb
It's a never-ending climb… if I want to be in the flow of healing and in the rise of consciousness. So every place, every position, every status, state is temporary. Okay... and yeah the community and consistency….
Is a community ready for this consistent growth?
Or are there too many people in the community who want to be the boss of the community for instance and have the clan-culture of hierarchy, so the top dog is preventing the disciples, the clan, the subordinates to grow?
That's The Question
And Tom said: “I want to talk this week… and this talk, I think, is better housed in the ‘from me’ section”.
Wow, how beautiful is that?
Because I'm talking about ‘the me’ all the time.
And there it is… “better housed, placed, in the ‘from me’”.
Yeah, I found a kindred spirit who also want to talk ‘from me’.
The Me
The middle-ground between I and IT, spirit.
But I have said so much about that, that if you want to know what that's about, then I advise you to go to the previous newsletters of Okeko.
So, He Also Spoke About Poetic Outlaws
Well, yeah, that's what I did as well.
Another Synchronosophy.
And I responded also to the poem by Anais Nin ‘Some Never Awaken’.
And I said as a comment to this poem: “some never awaken, so leave them to it (Spirit)”.
There were a few people, I think four people, who actually liked that.
So yeah, let's see what that was in that poem.
It was like you...
“You live like this, sheltered in a
delicate world, and you believe
you are living.”
Well, that says a lot.
‘Believe’ is what you hold dear, what you be-love. So if you believe you are living, ‘live-on’ as I call it because it's that glues [the words] life and live, which I've also explained in other newsletters in one word (in Dutch it is one word ‘leven’) and I made: ‘live-on’.
So to ‘live-on’... the art to live-on...’
Life As An Art
What I said before... sheltered... it could be a place that I need.
Because I need the nurturing of this shelter, but it can also be a prison and delicate... it's so delicate... that I'm not able to have disturbances, because I'm healing there.
I know what it's like to leave everything behind and go for the healing, and unable to have more than one body around. Or not even a body around…
There was a time when I only had animals around. I withdrew from all bodies except the animals. And that was so healing…. Very sheltered, very delicate with what we call nature. Yeah, that was when I was so deep in my nut-case…. People drove me so very nuts that, yeah, I just left.
Left everything and everybody, all my possessions, everything behind.
To heal, to heal, to say, oh yeah, I need to heal, I need to heal, I need to heal.
There's no way around it. I'm really… fucked up.
At the end of the poem... you can obviously read everything but I quote the last bit:
“And then some shock treatment
takes place, a person, a book, a song
and it awakens them and saves them
from death.”[Some never awaken.]
Well, there's a lot to unpack…
shock treatment... yeah, since I was... not totally… I never… well, maybe, I shouldn't say never... because there were moments where I identified as a therapist.
I Did A Lot Of Therapy
I had a lot of trainings and was in communities where therapy was the main focus. The exercises were all to trigger and process emotions and all that. So in therapy there is always a level of shock involved, where a therapist who avoids shocking clients… then, yeah in my view, you're playing around the bush you're not going in the bush; you're not going to the pain-spot. So, shock is an element of healing, like life shocks, like she [Anais] also says: “It can be a person, a book, a song”, it can be anything that disturbs us, that shocks us, shocks us out of the shell, out of the nut-case. The light comes in. We have a choice to heal, go in this flow of healing and the rise of consciousness.
And It Awakens
It awakens,
oh yeah,
if you become sleepy in your nut-case,
oh... you're awake,
you're awake, you wake up and it “saves them from death…” that's the ultimate result that can happen; this body that awakens doesn't die... it is in a second wind.
New Life
Because people who stay in the nut-case… ja… the body doesn't like that. There is a hindrance of movement and life = change. I've been shocked in my life many times and that's how I got to appreciate shocks and that's why I allow the mover and shaker in me to move and shake but still also have the desire to be in ‘the art to live-on’… to move and shake in a way that it has the best opportunity to be received, which is maybe a gentle shock or the diving into somebody's bio-energy sphere and really feel how that sphere feels and going along with that feeling to meet somebody and get the information in this informed field and play with it.
It's Playful
Okay... see if I can go back to Tom because this is a beautiful post I love it so much! This is deeply touching for me to see this synchronosophy.
He says, I quote:
“This poem certainly resonated with me [‘me’] strongly. It is also a reminder that while some of us may wish to get everyone to see through the damaging ways they may be living their lies, we cannot make a horse drink, only lead them to water.”
Yeah, that's so beautiful said. He said, “we may wish to get everyone to see”.
‘Everyone’… I suggest ‘everybody’. Because ‘everybody’ is including all the aspects of the spirited body, it includes the spirit, what we are inspired by, and fired up by, it's hot, enthusiastic (en-theos) in God, as people have labelled spirit, which I'm not. I don't want to follow... I find spirit a better word which is spirited and fired up, it's hot so this heat this can be adjusted to a lower setting to accommodate the bio-energy sphere of that other body that is also spirited, but nevertheless a little bit shocking that other body it is including the identity, the personality of that body which I motivate people to look at, and to leave that ‘one-personality-disorder’ which is part of the clan-culture, the result of which is psychological bifurcation.
So, Everyone…
When I say everyone, I am pointing at the one-personality. If I say everybody, I include the body, the spirit, the identity and ‘the me’ in that body. The middle ground between identity, ego, soul, psyche and spirit.
“We Cannot Make A Horse Drink.”
No. That is the boundary. That I need to respect; a rejection. When somebody says ‘no’, it's no... and I back off. And ‘no’ is also new opportunity. That's the other side of no, where the rejection can be felt as, oh God, no, I cannot handle this rejection, I hate to be rejected. Yeah. But I learned to see it as a compliment.
Like, okay, this is not the direction to proceed. This body is not willing, able to play with me. So, and all the rejections that I received in the past led me to moving in another direction, moving to another body, to another door. And these doors and these bodies were so much better aligned with what I wanted, what I desired, what I wanted to move towards to. Yeah. So a rejection is a compliment that… ja… I'm not going to stay where the group is or where that body is stuck.
I Just Want To Move On
I want to be in this healing flow. I want to rise in consciousness.
“We can only lead the horse to the water”...
Well, this leading…. Leading, it's almost like the leader comes in. We lead the horse to the water. And whether the horse drinks or not, that's up to the horse.
Well, it's also a trap.
Because to be the leader, totally identify with being a leader,
the teacher
the therapist,
the master,
the guru,
is a trap in my view.
Where somebody is so identified with having that position and that status and that situation that it can hinder. This could hinder the flow of healing, the rise of consciousness. Because the leader could be in a one-personality-disorder. And that is not serving the growth in the community. The community is getting more and more stuck in a cult. There is no nurturing of individuality. There is no nurturing of the body that is in an undivided duality reality. Where everything is connected. Where we can be in Synchronosophy. In the wisdom of everything that goes synchronous.
Okay and then he says... let me see... another poem about courage. Of course, we need courage to be in an undivided duality reality. “From me, new poems” he goes back to what he published before and let me tune into it... okay yeah, he's moving in the direction of ‘the habits’.
So he found a group who is doing the cold water therapy.
The ice baths. They have a connection with a fellow Dutchman. The Iceman. I also did it. It was wonderful. And I met a whole community who were doing ice baths and I also noticed how this was presented as ‘the end all be all’ of all problems and I must say it does a lot. This is also shock. The shock of cold water resets the body. It's a reset, another set, and that is taking all the ‘stuckness’ with it. So in the cold water it's such a shock for the [bodily] system that we cannot adhere to the system any more.
It's a contraction that has an expansion. In the water, the body shuts down; the vital organs are going to be protected and this is such a big event for the body, that wow, afterwards it can breathe again and it is happy and it is blissful and enthusiastic, so it's opening the contraction, it is opening the body.
And yeah, then the dis-eases cannot stay because ‘the me’ didn't stay, we’re out of the nut-case; the light came in. So I love all that.
But There Is This Habit
I’m quoting:
“There is a lot of habits I'm looking to implement in my personal life that I've been struggling to maintain over the past few years.”
So, Yeah, The Habit
The habit is something we repeat. Yeah, it's conscious or not. The habit is also something we're dwelling in. We can dwell on it. We can change one habit for another habit. And we believe we're growing. And that can be true. This can be growth. To leave one habit and change it for another habit, that's wow... it could be a major step up in allowing the flow of healing and rise of consciousness, nevertheless it's just the swap from one habit to another habit, and we're dwelling, we leave one dwelling for another dwelling, we were in one place and now we are in another place.
So what I'm saying is although it is a movement, it's not yet the ‘Wu-Wei-Way of life’, being in the healing flow in the rise of consciousness... is not really a habit. It's not like a cloak; the monks have a habit.
It's not a character. It's not a person. And he also says in my personal life, the person is only one aspect of life. It's ‘the I’. It's the protective skin, the breathing skin of my ‘cosmic egg’, the ego that protects my bio-energy sphere 24/7 and can inflate and deflate.
It can have holes in it, where energy leaks and where people can step into the holes without us noticing it. They can do stuff to us that we don't even know that they are doing that to us. So when the soul can repair ego by having a bicycle repair kit and repairs the holes….
We can [also] have such a deflated bio-energy sphere that it needs a bicycle pump to inflate it [again].
Or we have pumped up ourselves over the top and the fuses of the valves are blown up. It blows up the fuses when we inflate it [over the top].
Or the ego can coagulate. It becomes so thick, so impenetrable that it doesn't breathe any more. It's now fixed. There is no movement possible. So it's stuck. Rigid.
That's all about a person. Personal life is only one aspect of life. We have, in my view, many personalities. And if we are aware of the middle-ground, ‘the me’, then we can... Let me talk about me… I can decide what belongs to me, what parts belong to me and what parts don't belong to me; I have to allow the flow of healing and the rise of consciousness to take these parts [first, and then I can decide whether I let them go] so they let ‘me’ go.
And he says that the ice baths (he has a link to somebody who gives a presentation):
“I link some of the resources I found most enlightening on this below”
Of Course, It Is Enlightening
So what is enlightening?
That's the light again. The more light… I become lighter, and I see more... there is more light. It can also blind me… the more light, the bigger the shadow.
When I started, well, when did it start... my healing journey? I think my healing journey started even before I was born. So anyway, when it started conscious... when I took the decision, yes, this is what I want. I want as much education as I can gather; be as much in communities, I can intentionally choose for healing and the rise of consciousness.
So they [people in these communities] talked obviously a lot about enlightenment. In the early 90s the goal was to become enlightened. And there you have it again... ‘become’, ‘become someone’... who is enlightened like the Guru.
And that was a whole trap and a lot of my emotions were about this trap that, in that moment in time, nobody wanted to see. So when I was in a tension with the group-mind; the tension being, individuality…. I was in an undivided duality reality, but I didn't have any idea that I was in that reality. So when the emotions... when I just couldn't say ‘yes’ to what the group was doing, then whoa! I would blow out my fuses!
It would… IT (spirit) would blow up my fuses and people said: “Pascalle, ho, ho, ho, ho, wait a minute, wait a minute, hey, it's too much.”
Yeah, it's too much, too enthusiastic to go for IT, yeah! So I went from groups [to groups]. I was in a training [a group] that couldn't handle my energy, to a group that could handle my energy. And I found a group that was a challenge for me to handle their energy. So I was really challenged and I really could go for it and let it flow there. So that was very beneficial. So, you see the rejection in one group propelled me to find a group who could handle me and see me and just let me get on with it, and in IT.
That is all part of ‘community’.
All part of the awareness of the individual
to go for what ‘I’ really need.
“The community”, Tom says:
“I can certainly see corralling together a community who are willing to do this and are willing to keep each other accountable to be a better way of getting these practices to stick for me long term.”
Of course, he longs for these practices to stick and it is great to have this as an objective. That is the movement I was talking about. And the corralling..., yeah, the corralling is a place where we can be nurtured with this objective; people support us in this objective, and the chorale has also the boundary in my view, and as long as the group is willing to see this boundary as something that is fluid and can move like it is breathing... yeah, then it’s inflating and deflating, if the group can move and go along with these movements of the rise of consciousness and the healing flow, then, that is beautiful.
And The Other Side,
When They Can't
When the individual matures enough to say, ‘okay, this group is… I'm at the end of growth in this group, I have to move on. I have to leave’.
That is the responsibility. Responding to the group, saying: ‘okay, I learned so much, thank you so much, but I have to leave. I have to look for maybe another group or maybe I have to be on my own for a while because I'm not sure why or what is happening in me; there is an inquiry necessary because I need to get on in IT; I want to flow in IT’.
So…. Okay, I think, yeah, I've..., he says…. Let me see. There was a line. I can't find it now. Oh, yeah…:
“If you're reading this and fancy doing it too, leave a comment and let us get going together”
Oh, no… this is not what I meant. Oh, I can't find it. Hold on. It was just below what I read, so I'll proceed with the quote:
“Alternatively, if you have other experiences and tips on how you've made new habits stick, I'd love to know that too.”
That was just a line that I needed; because obviously somebody is asking for it; so asking ‘me…’. That’s contrasting the way I was commenting before. I did comment without being asked to comment, so now I found Tom who actually asks the readers... (I am subscribed to his newsletter) if I have other experiences and tips, how I made new habits stick.
Well... I went into that already… from one habit to the other habit.
What I found is this:
I said that leaving the habit looking at the habits seeing what habit I'm holding on to that is preventing allowing this flow of healing and rise of consciousness…. It’s An Awareness Process That it is a desire to be on a higher level of consciousness the drive to get on in IT in spirit, where spirit guides the inspiration the following of the inspiration the expansion without contraction yeah, the art to live-on yeah, that is what I found that there is a flow and I want to be in it
And that has nothing to do with a one-personality; there is not ‘one person’ in ‘me’, a character in ‘me’ that is the boss character. The identification with one-personality... is gone. It’s very delicate, subtle, this awareness. It has to do with ‘the me’ in me, the sameness…. Where we find sameness and identical stuff in all bodies. That is what I call ‘the me’. And it has a connection with the soul contract. A contract that is an expansion.
Let Me See…
It is the realization that there is a teacher in me. That there is a genius in me. There is a fool in me. There is an enfant terrible in me. There is Sophie in me. There are spirits in me; there is fire in me; there is caring in me; there is a lot of love in me; enthusiasm, integrity, honesty. See?
There's so much in me, that I believe in, that I be-love, that I hold dear.
There Is a Wish In Me
A wish to gather people, bodies, who also long to be in a flow of healing and the rise of consciousness. The wish to build a community, an ever-changing community in synchronosophy. What I mean by that is... it’s ever-changing, so the participants change all the time, so there’s not a cult, but the spirit of culture... cultivating growth…. The flow of healing and the rise of consciousness is the guidance in a delicate temporary container. A shell. A place. Two hours, nine people, where we feel safe because we know all the participants have an intention to heal and raise consciousness, intentional, but not too safe because we might get shocked, we know that, ‘WE’ as an extension of ‘the me’.
We Know That We Is The Extension Of ‘The Me’
We acknowledge the sameness of ‘me’, the identical in me. When I say ‘me’, I mean exactly the same as when you say ‘me’. We know that.
So we take responsibility when we're disturbed and influenced because that's life… that's the juices of life... to get disturbed, to get influenced, to get shocked, so the setting... the hinges of our wits are shaken, and we can reset if we want to.
There's A Choice
And we say, yes, yes, I want that. I take that. I take that chance. I take this opportunity. I might get shocked, but I know after two hours I can leave.
I can integrate what I've learned. I can integrate what I've shared.
I have a choice to let this healing flow continue or hinder it. I have a choice to rise in consciousness or decide I'm not ready. I'm totally free to go for another gathering. I'm not stuck in a community. There is no clan-culture because there is no leader.
Everybody Is A Participant
Participating in synchronosophy, in whatever comes up, whatever is brought to the table. In a place of power where energy can flow freely.
That's my wish.
That is what I work in the direction of. This is why I record and why I'm on Substack. So yeah… I think I said it all. Yeah… I’m very happy about what came out in this episode.
The episodes... yeah... it's just a joke
It's referring back to the nut-case where... if I'm in mental health issues I have episodes Well... this is the recording of an audio and I have the courage to hit that green publish button that is also an episode but a totally other episode in my life. Yeah... to let the light in the case, in my case, and let it flow so this is another example of how I let it flow Okay, I am going out... The sun is out as well, here in Scotland It's all of a sudden hot Yes... walkies...
If you listened to the whole podcast, then thank you very much!
And I wish you well and much love.
Bye for now,
Pascalle
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